IS SOMETHING GOING ON?

There seem to be a lot of these 'bank bailing out' things going on! Have I missed something? It's like the whole global economy has been driven into hell by freakin' idiots. How bad would that be?

I AM SO GLAD I AM NOT JACQUI SMITH RIGHT NOW

You know, I've had a pretty shitty day, but at least I'm not a Home Secretary whose husband inadvertently billed the tax payer for some hand shandy TV.

IS BARACK OBAMA RUBBISH?

Is the Barack Obama dream over, now?

He's been in office for weeks and weeks now and the economy is still screwed and we've still got wars and stuff. When he going to actually do some work?

GOOGLE STREET MAP

I have checked out my street on Google Street View and I would just like the internet to know that since that photograph was taken we have cut the hedge and it is now as neat as all our neighbours' hedges.

Also, that's not me on Broad Street flashing my tits to a policeman. It just looks like me. But it's not.

MIDDLE CLASS PARENTS: YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG

Scribbles is very concerned to recently learn that up and down this country, the fair sons of the middle classes are being slayed by addiction to skunk. It was a shock to learn that the future Barristers, Surgeons and Bankers of England have all abandoned school and taken to their beds to spend their time sucking super-strength cannabis* into their young lungs.

In one sense, I am tempted to let the situation be. If middle class boys are too doped-up to get a career, then this leaves an opening for middle class girls, and, hold your breath, the working classes to assume the professions. Soon, and very soon indeed, Oxford and Cambridge might be forced to trawl every comprehensive in the land for girls and boys bright enough to fill the free places usually hogged by smart-arsed rich boys.

Part of me however, wants to tell middle class parents what they should be doing about this, because they are just so irritatingly wrong. So, against my better judgement I offer the following advice:

First of all, however excited it makes you, don't encourage arrogance in your boys. That sense of superiority, which seems such a pleasing sign of intellectual promise in a young kiddy, will come back and bite your arse when he becomes a teenager. Plus, we've all had enough of arrogant rich boys in this country and its time they were stopped.

Secondly, allow your child some free time outside of school. Don't make them fill up every second of their day with extra classes, or music lessons, or drama club, or whatever extra curricula activity is currently in vogue amongst your set, because by the time they are 15 skunk will seem the only way out of the oppresssive, maddening world you have created for them.

Thirdly, tell them they are forbidden to smoke anything, never mind Skunk. You don't have to debate the issue with your darling offspring, you can actually tell them not to do it just because you are the parent, and odd as that may seem, that is enough. Don't get nanny to do it for you either.

Fourth, if you find they are spending their allowance on skunk, stop their money. Please trust me when I say that giving them no money will not induce death in your child. It might cause social embarrassment amongst their affluent peer group, but they will continue to breathe.

Remember A.R.S.E.

Arrogance is not allowed
Recreational free time is OK
Say they can't smoke skunk
End their money

* research suggests this might be a slight exageration, but we should never let the facts get in the way of middle class angst

HAPPY ST SCRIBBLES DAY!

Saint Patrick may have banished all the snakes out of Ireland, but yesterday my husband claims he banished two mice from our house with use of the Dyson. He scared the little things out of their hiding places, one under the settee, the other from under the stairs, and ran them outdoors. Interesting pest control, I thought.

The Dyson is very loud and scary. So far however, it has not yet run the cats out of the house. This is the cats who brought the mice in the house in the first place.