On marriage

Spluttered coffee all over the newspaper when I read this in the Guardian yesterday. Dame Elizabeth Butler-Sloss (I haven't made that name up) , a retired senior judge (of course) thinks that the new law that allows same-sex couples to have civil partnerships downgrades marriage. And this is a bad thing she says, because, "statistics show that marriage remains the most stable of all relationships between men and women, even with the incidence of divorce."

You got that? Marriage is the most stable type of relationship, except when it isn't.

From a purely selfish point of view, I feel much relieved at this new law. I co-habited for a long time before getting married and had to suffer the indignity when other couples got married of being told they were doing it for "commitment". What? So my partner and I weren't committed to each other, even after all the years together, even after all the things we'd been through? What really used to get to me was the couples who had a kid and they would still say they were getting married for "commitment" Excuse me? So producing a sprog between you doesn't require any sense of commitment then?

So when I did accept my partner's kind invitation to get hitched, it wasn't for commitment's sake. The closest I can come to saying why we wanted to do it is that there is something helpful about such a rite of passage giving you a hand up from one phase in your life onto the next. And there was also something lovely about having a day when you gather everyone you love around you (and your relatives) and celebrate what you have between you. I liked the idea that we were publicly drawing a protective circle around the two of us.

My only hesitation was that we were pulling up anchor and sailing away from our co-habiting friends, gay or straight. I hated the idea that in their eyes I might become a Smug Married, and I found it difficult to do something which I knew the Daily Mail would approve of. There is something worrying respectable about getting married.

And that's why this new law is of relief to me. Far from this downgrading marriage, I feel it's taken away the smugness of it. I'm not part of an elitist sect anymore. Now, if they want to, every couple in love can draw a protective circle around themselves. And that is a truly fabulous thing.